poka bean

his eye is on the sparrow...and my belly

We had a little visit from the tax fairy last week and it wasn't pretty. We got raped by Uncle Sam, and that's putting it gently.

I spent last Friday, my one luxurious day off which I typically spend taking long walks and doing yoga and meeting my friend Mary for bagels, creating a massive spreadsheet in order to balance our every penny and determine just exactly how were are going to pay The Man on April 17th and still be able to pay our other bills and eat more than 2 meals this month. I stressed, I muttered, I cursed, I almost cried.

And then I stopped.

Who am I to say I believe in a big God, a faithful God who knows my every need and always provides for me when I fall apart with doubt the moment I am challenged? And who am I to complain about the abundant, richly blessed life that I live? I am blessed beyond measure yet I seem to have tunnel vision for the one thing that is missing. The one thing that is wrong or hard.

So me and my attitude, we had a pep talk. And then we played the game of thinking up all the fun FREE things we could stretch ourselves to do in lieu of spending money on unnecessary things and activities during one tight month. Take more walks with Jon. Read. Play with the dog at the park. Rearrange the bedroom furniture. Work in the yard. Journal. Call friends. Go by Mom and Dad's for more visits. Write letters. Do my yoga tapes. Watch old movies that we already own.

Me and my attitude, we liked this list. And then the funniest things started to happen.

We went to Jon's school play and the mom of one of his favorite students came up to us and said, "So when can we bring you dinner?" "What?" "Didn't you hear about the new adopt-a-teacher thing? We adopted you and would like to make you guys dinner one night this week." Then last night friends called and invited us over for dinner completely out of the blue. 2 free meals back to back. Then my fellow garden-loving co-worker brought in a bunch of seedlings for me so I can start my vegetable garden this month, free of charge.

Maybe these sound like silly things to you, but to me each one is God tapping me on the shoulder and whispering that he's paying attention. That he knows that status of our bank account and our credit card debt and the sum we owe on our taxes. That he has better, more creative ways to take care of us than simply throwing money at our problems. That he can USE our problems to make us better, to teach us, to stretch us, and to remind us he's in charge. I'm so thankful that he is. I would make a royal mess of things.

Posted by Poka Bean at 4:49 PM