poka bean

next speaker, please

It's Day 1 of spring break my senior year of high school and I'm on drop-mom-off-at-work duty so I can use her car all day. What better way to ease the pain and inconvenience of having to get up so early on my vacation than to stop at McDonald's and treat myself to breakfast?

As this thought occurs to me, I begin mentally patting myself on the back for being such a genius. Ah, hindsight.

So I pull up to the first big menu board at the McDonald's drive thru and roll down my window. I can smell my greasy vittles a-cookin' as I hear the Less Than Enthusiastic Drive Thru Attendant say, "Next speaker, please." So I lean out the window and proceed to order.

Me: "Hi. I'd like hashbrowns and a small orange juice."

LTEDTA: Silence.

Me: "Hello??"

LTEDTA: "Next speaker, please."

Me: "Oh, hi. I'd like hashbrowns and a small orange juice."

LTEDTA: Silence.

Me: "Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me? I said I want hashbrowns and a small orange juice."

LTEDTA: "Next speaker, please."

Me: (Louder) "Hi. Thanks. I said I would like HASH...BROWNS...and a SMALL...ORANGE...JUICE."

LTEDTA: Silence.

I snap my head back in the car in frustration. Argh...the nerve. I just want my bloody breakfast, you morons! Well forget it, there's no one in line in front of me and there's a bagel shop across the parking lot so I decide to take my business elsewhere. Serves 'em right.

I pull out of the drive thru agressively and try to shake off my irritation. After winding through the strip mall parking lot with no luck for a few minutes, I find my car once again facing the entrance to the McDonald's drive thru and decide it's meant to be. I will get my hashbrowns and orange juice, damn it. I will!

So I pull up to the first menu board again and roll my window back down.

Me: "Hello?"

LTEDTA: "Next speaker, please."

Me: "Yes, hi. That's me. I'd like hashbrowns and a small orange juice, please."

LTEDTA: "Next speaker, please."

Me: "For crying out loud. I AM the next speaker!! Can't you hear me? I want HASHBROWNS and a SMALL ORANGE JUICE."

LTEDTA: Silence.

Hmmm, suddenly I notice that the creepy man waiting in line behind me is exiting his large van and walking toward my car. For a split second I hope that instead of rape or kidnap me, he intends to take care of business and set this drive-thru idiot straight.

Creepy Man: "Um, excuse me, miss. I think they want you to pull up to the next speaker."

And so he did.

Me: "Oh...um...uh huh." (Bashful smile) "Yeah. Uh, thanks."

Turns out maintaining your pride leaves a way better taste in your mouth than hashbrowns and orange juice.

Posted by Poka Bean at 4:49 PM