poka bean

why i prefer to remain unmotivated

Yesterday I stepped foot outside of reality and into the world of the motivational seminar. Our whole staff was sent to a special leadership training event. I think it was intended to be some sort of incentive or reward but as it turns out, I would've preferred to pull out all of my arm hair with my teeth and knit a scarf with it had I been given the choice.

I should preface the rest of this expose by saying it wasn't ALL bad...there were a few good speakers in the line up whose upstanding reputations I will protect by not mentioning their names. But the rest of this event was a mysterious experience.

Over the course of the day, I witnessed pyrotechnics, the perfomance of numerous "motivational" songs including but not limited to a "Proud to Be an American" medley performed by a blonde decked out in pleather pants (plastic-leather for those fortunate enough to have avoided the phenomenon thus far in life), a female emcee wearing a bright magenta suit and black sequined top, a salvation message/altar call sandwiched in between two get-rich-quick infomercials on how to make millions via a) the stock market and b) real estate, and a showering of thousands of American flag beach balls all around the arena during the dance competition portion of the afternoon (which, naturally, awarded the craziest dancer with a DisneyWorld vacation).

I still don't know what the theme of the day was...I'm beginning to think there wasn't one and maybe the whole thing was a set up. Maybe I was actually in an alternate reality created by a scientist who wanted to study human reactions to the incongruent, the disingenuous, and the bizarre. In fact, I think I would feel better knowing that were the case.

Seriously, I want my 8 hours back.

Posted by Poka Bean at 1:19 PM