poka bean

reasons why the world's most arrogant email cannot break me

Today I stewed for awhile over the following specimen that arrived in my inbox. It's a response to a polite request I made TWO weeks ago sent by a gentleman of somewhat notable last name who, I should mention and am glad to say, is completely UNassociated with my lovely place of employ:

Abby,
I will follow up with your request in time...

Thanks,
[name of Holier Than Thou author that I am kindly omitting here]


In time? IN TIME?? Please allow me to translate that for you:

Abby,
I am mighty and to be feared. Don't you know who I am? Bow to me and the timetable according to which I like to do things because on the scale of importantness, you are but a 2 and I go to 11.

I am the King of the World. Of all the kings, I am the king-y-est. I don't have time for petty, insignificant mental midgets such as yourself and the foolish, needless requests that you make, especially when they're things that my slave, er...I mean my assistant can't take care of for me and therefore require ME to do actual WORK. I don't DO work. I just AM. And that's reason enough for all to worship me.

Bow in homage to my greatness and consider yourself very fortunate to have received this generous reply.

Big Jackhole
(and many thanks to Em and Carolyn for recently adding this fantastic and fitting nomenclature to my vocabulary)

But let me tell you why today, oddly, I didn't give a rat's rear end about this blatant disregard for respect between professional humans:

1. I am now Aunt Abby to the world's most perfect nephew. I think about him 20,000 times per day which means I could only dwell on the Jackhole's remarks for about 4.5 seconds before it was time to think about Evan again. Fie on anyone bold enough to try to cut in on my nephew-joy. Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

2. I'm about to marry the ACTUAL king of the world. THE Jon Wallace. He is hot, he is manly, and he would willingly kick the a$$ of, or better yet POOP on, anyone I asked him to...notable last name and all.

3. I got to eat my waffles this morning...2 delicious cinnamon waffles toasted and slathered with Brummel & Brown and scarfed down with a delicious cup of Senseo coffee. And I got to enjoy them on my way to work while I listened to BOTH of my Lauras. You just cannot mess with a day that starts out that good.

4. I am wearing the world's cutest cotton candy pink sandals today. I have but to merely look down and smile. No amount of belittling emails could dimish the sheer, unbridled joy emanating from my footwear. In fact, I could be walking around the office wearing nothing BUT these shoes and feel like the cutest girl in the building. But I wouldn't do that, of course, because it's against the rules.

Alls I'm sayin' is DON'T MESS with the baby nephew having, Wallace marrying, waffle eating, coffee drinking, Laura listening, pink shoe wearing JOY FORTRESS that I am. You cannot break me. You cannot bring me down.

Posted by Poka Bean at 5:16 PM