poka bean

the week in review

Realizations I have made just this week...

...I love baked beans. They are delicious specimens that I desire to shovel into my oral cavity via industrial fork lift or have fed to me intravenously. But for some unknown reason, I always forget how much I love them in between the 2-3 times I eat them per year. While this forgetfulness is probably best for my heart and my body weight, I felt it was time to address the issue so yesterday I said to myself, “Self, always remember that you love baked beans.” I feel better now that this is squared away.

...People who have a sudden, giant emergency because they poorly planned something at work and then try to make you all frantic like it’s YOUR emergency and YOUR job to fix their mess even though you had absolutely NOTHING to do with what they’re working on really stink. In fact, I might go so far as to say they are mean. Yes, Mean Bad Planners. And they're almost worse than people who don’t like baked beans.

...My wedding guest list is not simply an inanimate electronic spreadsheet living in perfect harmony with all the other Microsoft Excel files on my computer. No. It is alive and it is multiplying like a deadly cancer. It is a giant, rabid and ravenous beast that’s out for blood. Human blood. Bride and groom blood. It is a fiery meteor headed straight for Earth at a billion miles per hour and it’s doubling in size with every foot it travels in outer space. It is a monstrous pillow with thousands of pillow tentacles fast approaching our mouths and noses and threatening to cut off our air supply. If we don’t stop it, it’s going to smother us all.

...The anticipation of 4.5 hours of traffic school on a Friday night is worse than the actual 4.5 hours of traffic school on a Friday night. Okay, well this is wishful thinking since I don’t actually start traffic school for another hour and a half but since my approach of whining about it obnoxiously and dreading it so much that I want to hide under my desk and cry hasn’t worked, I’m now trying the think-positive method. Stay tuned.

Posted by Poka Bean at 5:05 PM