Wednesday, May 18, 2005

on like a prom dress

It's that time again. Time to don my finest threads, attempt to look older and much more authoritative than I really am (or really care to be), and put on my most intimidating face.

It's time to instruct America's wayward youth to leave room for the Holy Spirit. It's time to chaperone Prom.

When Jon and I last chaperoned one of his high school's dances, I struggled to find something appropriate to wear. I asked my sister, She Who Knows The Right Outfits For All Occasions, for guidance and she told me, "I think for a chaperone role, you are going to need to go slightly more conservative than usual. Like whereas normally an outfit for such an occasion might be 35% sassy hoochie and 65% good Christian girl, you may want to decrease the sassy hoochie percentage just a shade."

Precisely why I can count on her. Sage advice.

Well, having kept these immortal words in mind, I have succeeded in finding myself an appropriate dress to wear and can now move on to Step 2: focusing on and eagerly anticipating Friday night's action. See, this is no ordinary prom. This is a private Christian school's prom, a prom where the threat of banishment to the 10-minute Time Out Box for dirty, offensive dancing looms imminent. A threat menacing to freshmen and seniors alike.

And let me tell you, there is no better way to attend such an event than on the arm of the one and only Mr. Wallace, teacher and football coach to some of the school's naughtiest offenders. Master of bursting cool kids' bubbles. King of humbling the cocky and obnoxious. Ruler of the piercing look of disapproval and utter disappointment.

So I say, bring on those booty-shakin' moves, kids. Get skanky. Mr. Wallace is in town and I've got a front row seat.


Let the bloodshed begin.

Posted by Poka Bean at 11:27 AM


  1. Blogger rebcram posted at 2:57 PM  
    I'm so honored to be quoted in your blog. I had forgotten about this especially wise piece of advice that I gave you. I'm so smart! hee hee
  2. Blogger Up Hill Both Ways! posted at 9:26 PM  
    Abby, once again you've hit the nail on the head with your insightful point of view. It's that 65/35 thing that puzzles me a bit. Hmmmm....

    Perhaps you'll give us a full report after the event has concluded and all the punishment has been doled out.
  3. Blogger Carolyn posted at 9:12 AM  
    I can't wait to hear all about it. Unfortunately, I'll never be able to chaperone a prom because my husband teaches 6th grade. But wouldn't that be cool to watch these kids whose hormones are just started to take form standing against the opposite walls as they try to impress the those from the opposite sex?
  4. Blogger Twinkle Twinkle Little Star posted at 11:00 AM  
    Hmmm. I think I may have missed the memo on the whole 35%/65% thing...I have always been under the impression it was AT LEAST 50%/50%. I think I have been a much hootchier hootchie than I should have in the past...and I can't ever remember leaving room for the Holy Spirit (unless He's flatter than a pancake and can bend to fit around legs and torsos all smooshed and intertwined together.) Let's just say, if you were chaperoning MY prom, I'd be spending almost the whole night in the penalty box. That's just the kind of Ho I am. :)
  5. Blogger Carolyn posted at 1:28 PM  
    I thought I'd leave your interview questions here, since I don't have your e-mail address.

    1. How did you meet your soon-to-be husband?

    2. What was your favorite childhood game?

    3. What is your biggest fear?

    4. Have you ever broken the law?

    5. Go-go boots or stilettos?

    Have fun!
  6. Blogger undercover celebrity posted at 3:18 PM  
    "Leaving room for the Holy Spirit?" Hmmm... that's why I went to public school :)
    Man, I love Christian chaperone humor.

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