just spread it
I have a bone to pick with Einstein Bros. Bagels.
Every time I order up my scrumptious, carby delight, I hold out hope that the cream cheese will be adequately spread across both the top and bottom slices of my bagel, as cream cheese unquestionably should be. But instead, I always find a firm ball of cream cheese, freshly ejected from an ice cream scooper, lumped smack dab in the middle of my bagel without the slightest hint of knife marks or, God forbid, effort. The goobers behind the counter seem to think that squishing the two bagels halves together around the ball oozes it far enough outward to feign the spreading action, but clearly, maintaining the level of intelligence of the store's namesake is not a pre-requisite for its employees. What, if not to properly spread cream cheese onto bagels, is the company paying them $9 an hour for?