Monday, September 26, 2005

things i might have guessed but have now confirmed with experience

...Not having a dishwasher ain't bad. Not having a garbage disposal is a horror akin to war, pre-meditated murder, and puffy paint and/or Disney characters on clothing garments worn outside the house by humans over the age of 5.

...Really good yoga classes (not the stupid Rodney Yee yoga videos I got suckered into buying once but only used long enough to decide he says "breathe into the suppleness of your belly" too much) are LIFE CHANGING. I am en route to being hooked.

...Uber-flexible and uber-proud-of-it yoga junkies who are always in the front row so everyone can watch how good they are are really annoying. They think we are admiring them but really we are thinking, STUPID BENDY TROPHY WIFE WITH NO DAY JOB! I could do that as well as you if I had all day to relax in Downward Dog in my cushy ocean-view mansion after daily trips to the spa, the natural food store, and the mystery shop where you buy all those cute yoga outfits. BLAST!

...Being disciplined to stick to your budget and not use credit cards for unnecessary purchases is truly liberating. But it makes you want to do wacky things like clip coupons and go to the library for free books and dvd's and bring your lunch to work every day so you don't spend extra money and actually use up all of the fresh groceries you WERE allowed to buy on your debit card. Is this what you money-wise folks have been doing all along? Frickin' SPEAK UP next time.

...Homemade pesto made with garden fresh basil is GOOD.

...Making pasta for every meal for three days in a row so you have something upon which to EAT the pesto is not.

...Acknowledging the hazards of pasta overdose in writing whilst a pot of rotelle is on to boil only 2 yards away from you is heinous and unforgivable and worthy of 40 lashes. Bring it on. BRING THE PAIN!

Posted by Poka Bean at 6:04 PM 7 comments

Saturday, September 24, 2005

men welcome here

Recently I've been thinking everyone should have a toilet in their shower. What's not to love? It provides a convenient foot rest for shaving your legs and if you'd like to linger in a hot shower, you've got a nice and cozy place to sit. Plus, in the unfortunate incident of a bowel emergency, you would have easy access to the camode and wouldn't even need to dry off before using it. I think the whole thing is very efficient.

In our all-in-one bathroom, there's a little pre-shower ritual that must be strictly adhered to before turning on the water.

Step 1. Put toilet lid down.
Step 2. Move toilet paper to upper shelf, out of water's reach.
Step 3. Turn shower nozel away from door so as not to flood Living Room.

Quite simple. But regrettably, no matter how faithfully one follows Steps 1-3, Step 1 still does not completely prevent the toilet SEAT from getting soaked every time you shower. The physics of this are beyond me. What good is a lid if it doesn't protect the contents of which it is lidding? Nonetheless, within an hour or two after one of us showers, the toilet seat is still wet enough that you have to wipe it off with TP before you can sit down on it.

Or so it was before The Husband's stroke of genius. Immediate after showering, if you re-open the lid and lift of the SEAT with it, the water drains right off the seat and is dry and ready for use in minutes. MINUTES, PEOPLE! This is going to save us a fortune in toilet paper expenditures (which are already at a record high in the Wallace family...a topic for another time).

So what is considered a rude and thoughtless bad habit to most people is now considered standard courteous practice in our household. I never imagined hearing myself say this but I keep exclaiming, JON, WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT THE TOILET SEAT UP!?!?

Posted by Poka Bean at 1:06 AM 4 comments

Friday, September 23, 2005

my man

Couldn't resist snapping a close up of what's on his shirt. Is it any wonder why I love this man?

Posted by Poka Bean at 11:07 AM 7 comments

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


Jon returned home last night after three days away chaperoning his school's Senior Retreat. I was so elated about his homecoming you would have thought he was returning from a two-year tour in Iraq. How have I so very suddenly lost every bit of my independent spirit and become completely dependent upon his presence in my every day life? In only two months?

During one of his nights away, I awoke bolt upright at 2am to blinding flashes of spectular lighting flooding in through our bedroom skylights and the chest-wrenching boom of powerful thunder in what can only be described as The Most Epic Electrical Storm in The History of California. And quite possibly the rest of the world. While honeymooning in the Alps this summer we got caught in a dramatic storm with the kind of thunder that makes your soul tremble and ache and I am not exaggerating when I say that Monday night's storm was an earth shaking masterpiece far beyond what even the massive Alps could render. It was alarming and spectacular. It was intense and romantic. It was a once in a lifetime moment and I was alone.

I began writing this post with no particular topic or message in mind. No point. No story. No conclusion. I simply started writing out of boredom and the consumption of one small glass of wine. But apparently this is what was intended to come out. A little message from me, to me.

This is it. This is life. This is your marriage and you don't get to pick the moments you get together...the perfect, romantic, and cuddly moments that you want. Sure, you'll get a lot of them along the way but ultimately what matters is what you make of the sleepy-eyed exchanges across the breakfast table, the way your greet each other at the end of a stressful day when you're hungry and exhausted, the way you respond to his unexpected kiss when you're right smack in the middle of something and trying to focus. It's not always getting the perfect cuddle in the middle of the night during a fantastic storm, it's showing up for his football games, it's putting away his laundry, it's holding hands while you watch TV, and it's grocery shopping. A lot.

He's sitting mere feet away from me right now writing a test for his class tomorrow. Our dualing laptops are tip-tap-tapping away with only the white noise of our fan in the background and all I can think is how grateful I am for the life I've been given. The husband I've been blessed with. Recently I've been feeling sorry for myself and complaining that he is gone a lot these days, and in fact he is, but what matters is that I am fully responsible for the time that I DO get with him. The little tiny moments that seem so incredibly insignificant until you multiply them by a lifetime and realize that all strung together, they are what make up a REAL relationship.

Kind of like right now when he's just finished writing his test and is flossing his teeth in the middle of the living room hoping I'll notice and wrap things up so I can go hang out with him.

Gotta go. This is my chance.

Posted by Poka Bean at 8:00 PM 5 comments

Thursday, September 15, 2005

things i know to be true as of just now when i sat down and thought about them

...Getting back in the swing of blogging is a whole different ballgame now. I went away for awhile and came back to find my BFF had bolted into blogging superstatus in my absence which is to say that more than FIVE people now comment on all of her posts REGULARLY and they are STRANGERS who we don't even KNOW OR PAY BY THE WORD to leave us little notes like the original five. Can you even imagine? And what the heck? How am I supposed to write crap now that I've been forced to acknowledge that someone other than the small handful of people I would allow to wipe my tooshie and change my catheter in the event of sudden handicap might actually read this? BRAKES. Someone put on the brakes.

…When your job requires you to be the intake hub for all of the frustrations and complaints of everyone in your office to the point that they literally line up outside your door all day long while you attempt to actually get some of your OWN work done and simultaneously listen to the new voicemails you have waiting for you every 2.2 seconds, you are entitled to go home in a persistant vegetative state and watch Felicity episodes from 5:30pm until bedtime or whenever your husband gets home and demands that you turn that trash off because it’s totally not worth watching after she got that stupid haircut. (Bad move, husband. DO NOT under ANY circumstances bash the holy and sacred entity of Felicity Re-Runs. Marriage 101.)

...I overuse the run-on sentence and I don't care.

...Gardening is like motherhood only on a smaller scale. There are some plants that just give you more concern than others and you can't help but worry about them. A LOT. Am I giving you too much water? Not enough? Do you need to be fertilized? Are you over-fed? Are you getting too much sun? Are you too cold at night? Why aren't you developing as quickly as your brothers and sisters? Are you tired? Are you sick? Is it something I'm doing? Are you SPECIAL? If so, am I supposed to TREAT you as though you're special or try to mainstream you? Are you getting bullied when I'm gone during the day? Are you going to freak out if I leave you with someone for a long weekend to get some time away? Honestly, I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.

Oh, but did I mention how great Watermelon is doing in school? She's making straight A's and she's the captain of the volleyball team! Today we marked all the kids' heights on the wall and she measured 1.5" tall. She's a beauty. Fighting the boys off with a stick, I tell you!

Oh my gosh, I'm toast.

Posted by Poka Bean at 6:31 PM 7 comments

Monday, September 12, 2005


Unbelievable, I know, but I'M BACK. My wedding-plannin', honeymoon-travelin', apartment-movin', new job-startin', brand new life as a WIFE-adjustin', internet-lackin' hiatus is OVER.

Can I get an AMEN?

So here I sit with a million things to say about all that's happened since I disappeared this summer and did a Life 180 but I haven't a clue of where to start. How do you sum up the best and craziest summer you've ever lived in 27 good years with little tiny words? Somehow I'm afraid you just don't. But heck, let's give this little summary a shot:


And that includes being married and living in a studio apartment the size of a shoebox. A 294-square foot shoebox, to be exact. And yes, I'm deadly serious. At long last it is time share a virtual tour of the Wallace Family Honeymoon Suite with the rest of the world. Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

The Gate

Our studio is detached behind the garage of a house so we have our own separate entrance along the sideyard. Please note the Beware of Dog sign...considering that Clarence, pet extraordinaire belonging to the folks in the main house, just peed all over Jon and our carpet approximately 2 minutes ago, we now take this much more literally.

The Patio

We have our own little private area in front of our door on the sideyard where we keep our BBQ and where I have my herb garden. Note the tile work along the sidewalk near the you'll quickly learn, this charming little pad is all about eclectic tile work done by the artistic bloke who lives in the main house. As luck would have it, he's an art teacher.

The Front Door

I love our bright green door. But I'm thinking maybe that's 'cause Jon walks through it every favorite part of the day.

The Herb Garden

A closer look at my herb garden. Gardening is quickly becoming my new favorite hobby and thus far, I haven't even killed anything yet.

The Funky Shed

This picture's a little dark but we have this cool little shed for potted plants and other important items such as our surfers crossing sign in the backyard. Again, more cool tile work on the steps leading up to it.

The Veggie Garden

The humble beginnings of my vegetable garden. Don't think I didn't do a little happy dance just now upon finding my first wee small watermelon beginning to grown. It's the size of my pinkie nail. Crazy!

The Kitchen

When you walk in the front door, the kitchen is to your right. Gotta love the breakfast table that doubles as extra counter space. Works like a charm.

More Kitchen

Charming, isn't it? Of particular interest should be the toaster oven on the left which is affectionately known as "The Oven" around these parts. Despite it's inferior size, it has successfully turned out all manner of baked goods including bread, cakes, brownies, and of course, new favorite dessert. Heck, I even roasted a pumpkin in it. Oh yeah, and the little black thing on the right edge of the counter? Yeah, that's "The Stove".

The Living Room

This is what's straight ahead when you open the front door. All hail the world's best mother-in-law who made this awesome furniture possible!

Looking To The Left of The Couch

That's the bathroom door and the ladder up to our bedroom. We think the middle rung is painted orange to warn us to be careful since that's the one we trip and nearly kill ourselves on just about every other day.

Looking Up Into The Loft

This is the view from the couch looking up towards the lofted bedroom. See the flip flops sitting on the floor next to the bathroom door? No, that's not cause we're messy...that's strategic. We'll get there in a minute.

More Living Room

That luscious chair is where I'm currently sitting to type this. I'm in L.O.V.E. See the little tiles along the door way to the left? They actually spell out a Bible verse that reads all the way around the door frame.

View of Living Room & Kitchen From Loft

Took this one sitting on our bed upstairs. The lovely glow is provided courtesy the overhead skylight, one of our favorite amenities.

The Loft

Gotta love the blue room. Our bedroom is 7' wide by 14' long which is to say IT'S SMALL. But cozy, wouldn't you say?

The Loft Windows

There are three sets of windows like this one across the top of this wall. Great sunrises in the morning and just last night I woke up at 3:30am because the stars were so bright!

The Closet

This was taken from the head of our bed looking at the opposite end of our room. Yes, folks...this is OUR closet. All 7 feet of it.

And finally...THE BATHROOM

When you first open the door, you see the toilet and absolutely amazing floor-to-ceiling tile. But the tile is not just artistic, no no. It's necessary since the whole bathroom is the shower.

More Bathroom

More crazy tile work...Jon doesn't take books into the bathroom so much anymore since there's plenty to look at in there already.

More Tile

Fortunately, the hooks are placed just so in the bathroom that the towels don't get wet when you shower in there with them. Genius, I tell you!

More Tile

Uh, yeah. Our toilet paper hangs on blue tile legs that stick out of the wall.

The Bathroom Window

There was a time in my life when I considered myself a very creative person. And then we moved in here and I realized that I ain't nothin' but a creativy-impaired retard next to the folks who decked this place out. Featured here is our window curtain made of Starbucks cards. See the small white circular tile near the upper right hand corner of the window? It glows in the dark.

And at last...The Sink

I've often asked myself, "Why bother wasting space with a real sink when you can have a tiny handmade tile basin that drains water down a handmade tile aquaduct along the bathroom wall and into the shower drain on the floor?" I mean really.

The Sink At Work

Now do you know why we keep shoes by the door?

Posted by Poka Bean at 6:53 PM 12 comments