poka bean

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Jon returned home last night after three days away chaperoning his school's Senior Retreat. I was so elated about his homecoming you would have thought he was returning from a two-year tour in Iraq. How have I so very suddenly lost every bit of my independent spirit and become completely dependent upon his presence in my every day life? In only two months?

During one of his nights away, I awoke bolt upright at 2am to blinding flashes of spectular lighting flooding in through our bedroom skylights and the chest-wrenching boom of powerful thunder in what can only be described as The Most Epic Electrical Storm in The History of California. And quite possibly the rest of the world. While honeymooning in the Alps this summer we got caught in a dramatic storm with the kind of thunder that makes your soul tremble and ache and I am not exaggerating when I say that Monday night's storm was an earth shaking masterpiece far beyond what even the massive Alps could render. It was alarming and spectacular. It was intense and romantic. It was a once in a lifetime moment and I was alone.

I began writing this post with no particular topic or message in mind. No point. No story. No conclusion. I simply started writing out of boredom and the consumption of one small glass of wine. But apparently this is what was intended to come out. A little message from me, to me.

This is it. This is life. This is your marriage and you don't get to pick the moments you get together...the perfect, romantic, and cuddly moments that you want. Sure, you'll get a lot of them along the way but ultimately what matters is what you make of the sleepy-eyed exchanges across the breakfast table, the way your greet each other at the end of a stressful day when you're hungry and exhausted, the way you respond to his unexpected kiss when you're right smack in the middle of something and trying to focus. It's not always getting the perfect cuddle in the middle of the night during a fantastic storm, it's showing up for his football games, it's putting away his laundry, it's holding hands while you watch TV, and it's grocery shopping. A lot.

He's sitting mere feet away from me right now writing a test for his class tomorrow. Our dualing laptops are tip-tap-tapping away with only the white noise of our fan in the background and all I can think is how grateful I am for the life I've been given. The husband I've been blessed with. Recently I've been feeling sorry for myself and complaining that he is gone a lot these days, and in fact he is, but what matters is that I am fully responsible for the time that I DO get with him. The little tiny moments that seem so incredibly insignificant until you multiply them by a lifetime and realize that all strung together, they are what make up a REAL relationship.

Kind of like right now when he's just finished writing his test and is flossing his teeth in the middle of the living room hoping I'll notice and wrap things up so I can go hang out with him.

Gotta go. This is my chance.

Posted by Poka Bean at 8:00 PM